Infertility effects 1 in 8 couples. Up to 25% (1 in 5) pregnancies end in miscarriage, and up to 25% of women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. Brett and I happened to fall into these percentiles. That’s all.
We fill it’s nothing to be ashamed about. I personally feel that more couples experiencing infertility and miscarriage should be open about it. Nothing heals faster than support of a caring community.
Our infertility is what doctors call, “Unexplained Infertility,” which means the doctors ran all the tests on Brett and me and couldn’t find anything wrong. Modern science doesn’t have enough tests to diagnose what the problem is for us.
Our miscarriage was a “typical miscarriage,” which means that we didn’t do anything to cause it – it just happened. It’s just “bad luck,” (which is literally what our doctor told us). In fact – we did everything possible to keep it as healthy as we could – we stopped drinking, I stopped drinking coffee, we did light exercise and walks daily, we took vitamins (I took prenatal vitamins as soon as we started trying). It just… happened.
The doctor told us after our miscarriage that if every women who has had a miscarriage walked around with a blue dot on her forehead, I would’t feel so alone. That SHOCKED me.
I remember thinking, “Well I wish I could talk to those women!”
Writing is very therapeutic for me and helps me handle grief. I asked Brett if he would mind if I started to write about our infertility and miscarriage publicly, knowing that it might help others who are looking for like-others, and would help me through the grief. He agreed and thought it was a good idea.
So here we are.
Yes, it’s very strange to have our close friends start finding out this way. It’s not something you can just launch into conversation with – “Guess what?! I was pregnant!”
But, here’s my message to my family and friends that are reading this:
Don’t feel like you have to do or say anything. There’s no right or wrong about how to go through this with us. In fact, you may be dumbfounded and want to avoid the awkward conversation altogether – that’s fine. If you want to ask us about it in a show of support, that’s fine, too. Brett and I are fine. Through everything, we’re close than ever and will move forward together.
Everything will be fine. We totally believe in the whole, “God’s Plan,” thing. 😉
Here’s the best news – I was pregnant! It was the happiest 7 weeks we’ve had in a very long time. This means that We Can Get Pregnant! Yeaayyyyyy!
One of our doctors mentioned to us that statistically, we should be able to get pregnant with an “uneventful pregnancy” within the next three months with the same treatment. We will pray for that to be the case, of course.
So, there you have it. Why do Brett and I choose to be open about our infertility and miscarriage journey? Short answer: It helps.