Our Infertility Journey

Trying Again After Miscarriage: Week 5

It took only 31 days for my cycles to restart after miscarriage. Our doctor told us it could take up to six or more weeks to see cycle day 1 again.

It’s now Cycle Day 5 and I have to keep reminding myself of a few things:

  • I have to take 2 Clomid a day, Cycle Days 3-7
  • I have to take both at night so I’m not psycho all day because of the extra hormones
  • I have to take them at 9pm each night because that’s when I took the first two
  • I have to keep my hopes in check because there’s still only a 12% chance we can get pregnant this Cycle.

The last bullet reminder is the hardest. Having just been pregnant with a successful treatment, I am consistently thinking, “This is totally it.” I could not stop myself from counting ahead to what a due date would be if we got pregnant this month.

Is it so bad to be positive? Not necessarily. I just know how far I’ll fall from that high hope if I wind up seeing a negative pregnancy test in the next several weeks. I remember the tears that came before the procedures started. I’m very worried that seeing my first negative test after miscarriage will take me right back to that day.

I’m still not quite ready to write the miscarriage story. That was an intense week, an I definitely don’t care to relive it while carrying around a significantly higher level of hormone-induced emotion.

But, there’s no stopping the thoughts that a neg would trigger.

So for right now, this time, I’m going to try to balance my expectations.

“If it’s meant to be, it will be, it will be. Baby, just let it be.”

Leave a Reply