It’s Cycle Day 18 and I’m still seeing big fat “0” s on my ovulation predictor kits. I am starting to believe that I’m not going to see a positive ovulation indication again this month.
Here’s what I hate about ovulation predictor tests:
- If they’re cheap, they’ll leave you guessing
- If they are good, they’re digital, and expensive AF
- If they’re negative, you get an empty circle (literally a Zero) for “you’re a zero,” or “zero eggs care to move this month,” or , “zero babies in your future.”
How do I deal with Not Ovulating?
Obviously not well. But I’m getting better.
It feels empty. It feels lonely. It feels like failure.
So here’s what I do:
- I take time to be sad. Honestly, this is the most normal thing in the world and you should never be ashamed of your feelings. It’s sad. You have the right to be sad. You should take the time you need to be sad.
- I talk about it. This is a harder one. Our culture is weird about infertility issues even though it’s more common than one would think (1/5 couples). Plus, there’s a level of shame associated with it to be honest. But the shame is a Lie. What I’ve realized is that talking about releases some of the burden and anxiety. When I open up about it to people, I hear more stories of validation and success than I ever would have known, and start to build hope again.
- I Rebuild My Hope. This, again, is a lot easier when you talk about it with people. If you’re not ready to talk about it, look for success stories. There are tons of great stories in trying to conceive (TTC) forums. The hard part here is staying away from the negatives, or believing you have every symptom you read about in the negative.
- I look forward. Indeed, I get back on the horse. There is always next month. And then I count nine months from that month and say that that birthing month would be nice for baby’s birthday.