Our Infertility Journey

3 Days Late BFN (Big Fat Negative)

I’m officially 3 days late today (CD30), and my AF (aunt flow) is no where in sight.

My mother and my husband, Brett, are frustrated with me because I’m addicted to peeing on a stick everyday – on days before doctors orders.

The nurse practitioners that administered out last fertility treatment told us, “Wait 14 days until testing.” Called the Two Week Wait, This waiting room of stress and anxiety can not be helpful for this baby.

With my first pregnancy, I tested at 10 days after the procedure and saw a BFP (Big Fat Positive), so you can imagine my disappointment when I mirrored that process with this cycle only to see zero pink line.

Of coursed I poured myself into those damn baby forums and found some alarming information such as:

  • My missed period but negative test means I’m not pregnant and need to get over it.
  • My negative result could be on account of my mind giving myself missed period in a psychotic episode and I’m not pregnant.
  • I could be pregnant with multiples that made my HCG levels too high for home pregnancy test detection.
  • Implantation happened in my Fallopian tube, and I might die.
  • Those goddamn baby forums.
  • If you’ve seen my post about automatic thoughts VS logical thoughts, you can imagine that my automatic thoughts of, “What the Fuck?! I’m not pregnant Again?!?” Or “maybe I’m imagining all of these early symptoms,” or “oh my god I’m going to die,” kicking into overdrive.

    However, I’ve decided to reflect logically his morning, as recommended by my mother, husband, and grief counselor:

    1. I’ve experienced what I believe are signs of early pregnancy such as light tingling cramping, a missed period, small waves of nausea, heightened sense of smell, and crazy-ass emotional mood swings.
    2. I’m 3 days late and do not see any trace amounts of AF when deep-dive searching.
    3. I’ve been testing days on 9-12, which are days before the recommended time of Day 14.
  • As long as I don’t see my period or feel menstral cramping, I’m going to continue believing I’m pregnant and praying.
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