Our Infertility Journey

Today Was Your Due Date

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY ANGEL BABY

My Lilly,

Today was your due date.  Today, your Daddy & I would have met you for the first time in the flesh.  I can only imagine how happy we would have been.  How relieved we would have been.  I can only imagine how warm you would have been to hold, and how small.  I can only imagine how big your Daddy would be smiling.

We loved you from the first moment we saw the positive test results, even before.  We loved you the first time we admitted that we wanted to start having children.  We loved you the first day we heard your name.  

The day they told us you were gone was the saddest day of our lives.  There was a crack in the planet.  Time stopped.  And I was so sad, My Lilly, that I would never be able to hold you.  Never be able to kiss your cheeks.  Never be able to hear you cry, or laugh, or call me Mommy.  I will never be able to hear you tell me that you love me, and it makes me so terribly sad.  Because I love you so much.  So much more than I can ever write or describe.

I try to think you’re in a better place.  I try to think that you’re with your Uncle Joe, and your Great Grandparents, and are happy.  I like to think that you’re with your Daddy and me as we go through our days.  I try to understand that there’s a better reason for you being in Heaven than being here with us.

You were so real for such a short while, my love.  There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you.  I think of you every time I see another baby, or pregnant belly.  I think of you every time someone asks us how we’re doing.  I think of you every time I look at your Daddy.

I’m so sorry, my Lilly.  I tried to do everything I could to make sure you were safe.  I feel like I failed you.  The Doctors said that this just happens some times.  I can’t help but think that that can’t possibly be true.  If there was anything more I could have done, I would have.  I would have done everything and anything in my power to been able to meet you and take care of you.  I tried my hardest, my Lilly.  

We love you baby girl, and we will celebrate you today for the rest of our lives.  Until we meet you in heaven, and get to hold you.

Rest in peace my angel baby,

Love,

Mom & Dad

 

 

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